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Behaviour!

It seems as if most of our day is taken up dealing with difficult people; the reality is it is far less. For most, I would say it is less than five per cent, for school libraries possibly a little higher. The reality is that a very small number of people, over a very short period of time, take up a huge amount of our emotional and psychological energy, leaving us drained when dealing with all our other, more pleasant ‘clients’.

In this article we will explore the reasons behind such behaviour and what we can do to minimise its effect on us. We are not exploring any behavioural aberration caused by mental illness or substance abuse (that is the topic of a different article and a different training program). Here we are referring to, for want of a better term, ‘normal’ behaviour. In this case the behaviour is ‘normal’ but ‘unacceptable’.

There are two things we must remember when dealing with these situations. The first is that it is not the person who is bad or unacceptable, it is their behaviour. This helps us to deal with the person more effectively the next time they enter the library. The second and fundamentally important thing to remember is that it is not about you. I know it feels like it is and it sounds like it is, but it is not. You cannot take it personally!

It is not just the poor behaviour of students either; sometimes other school staff can make unrealistic demands and be quite unreasonable, making our lives miserable. Some of them may even work with us in the library!

Why do students behave poorly? Well, naturally, there are many reasons (human beings are complicated things!). Immaturity is an obvious contributing factor, but it may also have something to do with hormones, developing brains, the need to impress others, attention seeking, their adolescent view of adults, the lack of consequences for their actions ... the list is almost endless.

When it comes to the difficult behaviour of staff, while some of the above may also apply, it is more likely to do with stress and pressure, the lack of resources, their lack of familiarity with library processes, job insecurity, issues outside work or a combination of all.

Remember that any behaviour we currently exhibit must have once served us a purpose. Believe it or not, that purpose is almost certainly NOT to annoy you (that is just an outcome of the behaviour). For most people behaviour is about achieving our desired outcomes: to gain attention, to gain special consideration, to improving one’s standing in a group or simply to get a reaction.

Scream and shout
www.flickr.com/photos/91883096@N00/3766009204

In some cases we may actually be unconsciously contributing to the negative behaviour. Consider how we react when a troublemaker enters the library. Does our tone and body language change, sending a signal that we are anticipating their negative behaviour? This is known as collusion – we expect some people to misbehave and they are happy to comply. If behaviour is designed to evoke a reaction and it succeeds, it will be repeated.

We would like people to stop misbehaving, but the sad truth is we cannot actually change the behaviour of another person (anyone who has been in a long-term relationship knows that). The good news is that we do have control of our own behaviour, so we can change how we respond, react and interact with others.

Here are a few strategies that we have control of that will help deal with many situations. It is not an exhaustive list, and every situation is different. Although this may appear to be an oversimplification of some of the situations we face, the list may represent a starting point.

As mentioned before, if behaviour achieves its objective it is likely to be repeated. So we need to change the way we react to difficult behaviour. If we always respond the same way to a situation, we will always arrive at the same outcome. The key here is to remember not to take it personally. Breathe, think and then respond.
If we ignore attention-seeking behaviour that has been successful in the past, it may get worse before it gets better. We need to be prepared for an initial escalation, but need to hold our ground until it subsides. Naturally if the behaviour is potentially dangerous or violent in any way, seek immediate professional help.
If behaviour is followed by an outcome or consequence the person does not want, it will begin to decrease. Working within the policies and procedures of the school we need to predetermine how inappropriate behaviour will be dealt with. It cannot be an idle threat; it must be something we are willing and able to enact. Do not forget, positive consequences are a powerful way to encourage positive behaviour as well.
Allowing poor behaviour to continue is the equivalent of giving the individual permission to continue behaving that way. We need to take action to train others in what the appropriate behaviours are.

We cannot let the momentary behaviour of a few individuals, be they staff or students, dictate how the rest of our day will unfold. We should focus on the positive behaviour of the majority and take appropriate action with anyone who acts outside acceptable boundaries of behaviour. Remember others’ behaviour is their responsibility, and our reaction is our responsibility. There are consequences for both.

Adam Le Good

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Adam Le Good is the Director of Fundamental Training and Development. He conducts a range of training programs specifically designed for library staff on behalf of Performance Improvement Conferences and Seminars (PICS), ALIA and CAVAL. A number of sessions in Dealing with Difficult Behaviour have been scheduled by PICS throughout New Zealand during June and July 2011. You can check their website for details: www.pics.com.au or contact them on +61 3 9835 8900.